who's your father
by bill560682
Summary: mark does the math and figures out tim the tool man taylor is NOT his father so who is. disclaimer i do not own the show or the people on it.


mark is sitting at the computer by the front door when randy comes home from school.

"hay dork, what you up to? trying to find out who your real parents are?" questions randy.

"no, i have no need to. i know mom and dad wanted me, unlike you and brad who they could not even pay someone to take you." retorts mark.

"mark i figured by your age, your what 13 now that you could do simple math. you were born what march of 1985, dad did not get tool time till you were five. before that he was spending 30 weeks a year on the road selling tools. from the beginning of march till half way threw october. why do you think dad goes so crazy for halloween and christmas? because those are the major holidays he was around for. he was on the road for things like july 4th and end of school year plays, start of school when parents get all weepy about thier little baby starting the first day of school. baby's first word and baby's first steps. dad was on the road when we did most of that stuff. so count back 9 monthes from march 1985 to see were you end up in 1984. the math will tell you that you were conceived about may or june of 1984, but how can that be dad was on the road." states randy who then leaves a stunned mark behind as he heads down to the basement to his room to finish an english report.

2 hours later mark was still at the computer. no matter how he did the math his father was on the road. he would need to be born about 2 1/2 monthes early around january for a march conception right before his father left on his 30 week road trip. an if he were concieved when dad got back in october he would need to have been born about 3 monthes early.

20 minutes later jill returns from grocery shopping.

"so how was school today honey?" jill asks mark as she begins putting the food away.

"it was great. we learned where babies come from AND how long it takes to make one." answers mark as he walks over to grab a seat at the breakfast bar.

"that's good, but i thought your father already had that talk with you?" asked jill wondering why mark would be so happy to find out where babies come from IF tim had in fact had THE TALK with mark already.

"your father DID have THE TALK with you about babies already, right?" questioned jill who would be having a talk of her own with her husband if mark gave the wrong answer.

"of course we had THE TALK. an did you know it takes 9 monthes for the baby to grow, give or take about 2 weeks one way or the other?" asked mark figuring there was no reason to beat around the bush too much.

"yes mark i know that. i gave birth to 3 sons so i think i know how long it take to have a baby. but i am glad you know the answer too." answers jill not sure why mark would pick now to talk about this since it had been over almost a year since tim claimed to have had THE TALK with mark.

"you know that place you send me every day to get me out of your hair called school? they also teach us other stuff there as well like math. an you know what you get if you take 9 monthes away from march? you get the end of may to early june which is when the math says i was coneived. the only problem with that is back in 1984 dad still sold tools on the road 30 weeks out of the year from march to mid october. so mom want to tell me who my REAL father is?" questioned mark.

""oh mark baby, your father and i were going to tell you when you were older. you see your father was in a car wreck right after randy was born and the doctors told us it was likely we would not be able to have any more kids. we tried for almost 2 years. an when your uncle marty found out about our trouble he donated his sperm to create you. an before you get that look on your face that says my mom slept with my uncle you would be wrong, your uncle was LITERALLY a sperm donor. his sperm and my egg met in a test tube. shortly after that your uncle started dating your aunt which is why you have no younger brothers or sisters. plus once we got to know your brothers we did not want to risk having more kids like brad and randy. so you see your father and i wanted you so much we were willing to do ANYTHING to get a great son like you." said jill as she leaned over the breakfast bar and gave mark a big hug.

"well i do understand the part about not wanting more brad and randy's, an i guess i can't really be mad or anything. i mean it's not like you cheated on dad with al or something." replied mark who was glad to know the real story behind how he ended up being born. 


End file.
